This week I get to focus on working on emotions. Where does it hurt? Where do you feel what you are feeling? What do you feel?
It’s hurts everywhere… it hurts my heart. Yet I feel numb. I want to cry but I can’t seem to. I feel used and broken. I told my therapist about the first time I was sold to someone else by the person I was possibly sold to. (I say possibly because I’m unsure if there was payment between the two but if it smells like trafficking and looks like trafficking its more than likely trafficking…right?). (This doesn’t include the personal sexual servitude which still makes it all trafficking.. 😔 anyway). That was hard it brought me back… I’m still not fully here… I’m partially here.. partially there… I don’t know how to explain it.
Anyway, I’m getting sidetracked, sorry. Feeling after you’ve mostly shut down for a decade or more to survive is hard, really hard. I don’t want to feel these hard feelings, but I know I need to.
I guess, I’m just hurting and I’m hoping one day it will better. Trying to wrap one’s mind around over a decade of trafficking is hard… its a long time. How do I process this? How do I accept this?
Thank you for reading.