I just had a therapy appointment. It was good. She recommended I call (not on the phone but as in conversation when referring to him) him my abuser or trafficker rather than my ex because this will help me see the bad he did rather than the good and help me in my healing. I’m not sure I’m explaining this well, it will help me to identify him for what he was (my trafficker) rather than what he wanted me to believe him to be (someone who truly loved me). I think that is a better explanation than the first one. And perhaps maybe he did love me in his own way, but the way he treated me 99% of the time didn’t show it.
However, I thought of calling him my trafficker in my mind and that is kinda hard for me to do at the moment. It’s hard to process and here I thought I was doing pretty good. Just calling him my trafficker in my mind makes me feel like breaking down, like crying. I don’t cry much although you wouldn’t know that as of late it seems like I cry over a lot of things that wouldn’t have made me do so previously. Go figure lol.
He used to say he was my “master” I was his “sex slave” and no this wasn’t some role play thing he was serious. That isn’t the point here though… calling him my trafficker is, And it’s hard. It’s hard to call him for what he is.
I guess those are my thoughts for now. Thank you for reading.